Category: self-reflection

The Effort to Fail to Notice the Falling Sky

Busy is a trap. Busy is an excuse. Busy can also be the antidote of worry. When I sit still with my thoughts, Anxiety takes that opportunity to play the role of fortune teller – proffering scenarios and outcomes with the sole intent of stagnation. This is as much a foolish waste of time as it would be to try to dig up the roots of a fake tree. For me, the difference is discerning between work and effort. Busy work can at times be a welcome distraction for the mind, but once the work stops, the problems return with compounded worry since they were merely placed on hold. Conversely, effort (a show of strength) is a conscious exertion towards an achievement. To busy oneself with effort is to weaken Anxiety’s grip. Effort, though strenuous, doesn’t need to equate to anything momentous – it’s simply productivity in service of betterment in some small way. The ultimate benefit is not allowing the idle mind to irrationally turn its gaze skyward.

Restless. Less Rest.

Relaxing is not my forte. I realize my interpretation of relaxation is really more about doing nothing than it is about rejuvenation through some form of stillness. When I try to “rest”, I just end up feeling restless and it prevents me from falling asleep. My mind is presently ill-equipped to turn off, and the days have become a blur of routine. Although it’s taken time for me to build up some good habits during the day, the nights have become strands of boredom tied together with no purpose.

So today begins a new attempt for more intentional efforts in the evening. Beginning the day setting a small goal for each night with hope that by resting less, I will find a solve for my recent restlessness. This post is my buy-in. Perhaps it will be left unread, but its existence is my accountability coach.

Cerrano’s DIY Curveball Solution

There’s a point when external factors can longer be the delay for unfinished projects or goals. These are the moments when you either realize it’s time to be pragmatic (even if that means the completion point may be extended because you have to learn a new skill before you can get it done) or it’s time to realize that the project or goal had no internal value. The third option is that you convince yourself the project or goal is unattainable; perhaps, or is it that your ego feeding itself to keep you stuck in discomfort.

Note to Self #1

Some days, in spite of the work you’ve put in, it will be hard to fend off the frustration you perceive as how others are making you feel. Know the truth, they are making you feel nothing – it’s your reaction to their words and/or behaviors that is stirring up unwelcome emotions.

When you can’t find inner peace at a given time, you can always acknowledge that it’s you that needs to change. It may not help your current situation, but it will prevent you from carrying any additional weight, or foolishly waiting for someone else to change. You don’t fully understand your own path yet, so don’t assume you have any idea what path anyone else might be on.

A speck of light is all you need to know it’s there.

Present (every now and again)

I like to think that I can be present every now and again, but then I think about that expression and realize it’s a lie.

Every now = always

Again = and then some

An expression that’s intends to convey “once in a while” really means the opposite, and serves to demonstrate how we allow ourselves to believe what we hear instead of seeking to understand what something means beyond the surface.

Moments like this remind me of Byron Katie’s 4-questions, and the importance of the first two questions: 1) Is it true? and 2) Can you absolutely know it’s true?

Think of the world we can create if before reacting, we all sat with those two questions first, taking the needed pause to consider what’s really being said or done.

Truth Deprivation

If someone approaches you starving and dehydrated, there’s likely something you can do in the moment to help assuage their deprivation. However, if someone approaches you deprived of truth, even if you provide it objectively, they may still walk away unsated. Our stomachs require nourishment, our minds seek truth, but our egos and ignorance only seek validation. Seeking validation over truth is fasting with the expectation of fulfillment.

Pebbles

There’s a difference between comparison for the sake of rivalry and comparison for the sake of proximity. When it comes to material items, either is a futile pursuit. When it comes to personal growth, it becomes more about awareness of one’s surroundings. The company we keep tells us a great deal about who we are, where we are and where we’ll be.

Conversations can replenish our emotional buckets. But the same conversations and the same stories told ad nauseam point towards stagnation.

I heard a saying the other day, “When it comes to pebbles in a shoe, the only correct number is zero.” Any one relationship can become a pebble in our shoe over time, and although it may not be inherently unhealthy, it can get uncomfortable and bothersome. Too many of these types of relationships and your pebble-filled shoe makes taking another step unbearable.

Sometimes we need to remove our shoes and shake the pebbles out. Other times, that’s not an option because the relationships may be with people we can’t avoid or cut out of our lives (co-workers, family members, etc.). In those instances, we can do our best to remove our metaphorical shoes before entering into their space. Therefore, the discomfort only lasts as long as the interaction, and we walk away with the only correct number of pebbles in our shoes.

For Today, Et Alia

The flaw in anything written is not the fault of the pen, the paper or the hand. The flaw in anything said is not the fault of the mouth, the tongue or the vocal cords. Misinterpretation is the root of all evil. The force of ignorance applied to opinion is behavior that strays from the truth. Humans abandon principles – not vice versa.

No words are needed to know truth – no words are needed to understand love – no future is needed to know what matters most right now.